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Writer's Block: Instant wish

Posted on 2010.06.08 at 03:41
If you could have one--and only one--wish granted in the next five minutes, what would you wish? How do you think it would improve your life?

If I had one wish, It would be to hear again without a cochlear implant. I would live a happier life if i had both hearing ears working again. I would be able to hear all the little things that i can't pick up with my cochlear implant and to be able to follow conversations clearly with friends. i would enjoy music alot more, much as everything else.  Maybe one day... with stem cell research and hope.  


Posted on 2010.05.26 at 16:36
I'm in Amsterdam ! Enjoying the past three days and many more to come.  The marijuana here is  very strong that I got sick and almost threw up at the same time that my stomach was a bit constipated too from flying.  All the gas in my stomach just exploded in the toilet lol.   Went shopping today for soap for my dreads and loved the store LUSH! Expensive all natural vegan soaps,   Good stuff.  Brought some awesome stuff for me and my mom to enjoy.   After taking a shower, feeling all freshed up and squeaky clean. I was upset to find that i lost my left eye contact last night when I took them out.  So it sucks not to be able to wear contacts for awhile and they're special contacts for my eyes that it takes a week to ship it them to me but I'll be home by then.  Well I got to go and get ready to visit Claire's BF parents house for dinner which should be fun.  Lalalalalala. 

Poi Poi Poi

Posted on 2010.05.17 at 17:56
I am seriously breaking my 5 year habit of smoking cigarettes, in order to become a healthier person. Amazingly, I had this willpower to stop smoking for good without spending a cent on nicotine patches.  I played poi whenever I feel the need to and it helps so much like medication.  I am more hyper and positive person today.
Such power when you put your mind to do something as in a psychological way.  The relationship between my mind and body is...spiritually strong and balanced.
Maybe I found myself again.

worried girl

Posted on 2010.03.17 at 14:39
I'm worried about our relationship between Liam and I. Ever since he told me about his parents divorcing, it has impacted him hard that he was very upset.  Everytime I see him, He looked stressed out and distanced from me.  It was hard for me to comfort him with words because I never experienced a divorce in my life. I have met many friends who's parents were divorced but only they were younger. Liam's 20 years old and it changes everything when it comes to divorce because both of his parents wanted to move out of NY.  It means that Liam might have to move with his dad in Boston and to live at his aunt house in Queens for awhile to finish school I believe.  Another thing is that I don't like long distance relationship at all.  I do feel that our relationship is falling apart because Liam's hurt by his parents divorce.  We're more of close friends than girlfriend/boyfriend type.  It hurts me to see Liam down like that, and not knowing what to do but to listen to him and comfort him is all I can do.  I will be on my own, once again when he moves.   I realized that, i was scared to feel emotional about it, that it will corrupt me mentally.  I think thats why I avoided having a relationship with a person is because of emotions that are involved.  i don't want to feel hopeless in the idea of having a relationship. Liam's the only guy that i accepted him above all other guys who I turned down.  If he moves, there's nothing I can do about it but to move on.  Going separate paths, while I stay here on Long Island stuck.  I can't see my life anywhere else. In other words I have to leave to see whats out there, staying here in NY for many years is a waste of life.  But where to go? California? Portland? The west coast awaits me soon.

AH dude wtf happen last night?

Posted on 2010.03.14 at 14:12
I was home alone on a saturday night,(boyfriend failed to come over) so i thought why not get drunk? My mom had a alcohol cabinet where she stored all of her nice liquors.  I only picked the ones thats just recently opened and just combined whatever it is into one cup. I repeated again with the same ingredients and ended the night with 2 beers. My mom came home from bowling, found me holding a beer bottle in my bed with a laptop not knowingly i drank her liquors earlier on.  I talked to her and right away she knew I was drunk and asked me if i was drunk. Silly question she asked. I said I just started drinking this beer I'm holding here.   She walked out of my room and went to bed.  Well after this part, i remember i was still doing things on my laptop and passed out.  this morning, it was very bizarre to wake up with no underwear on.  I couldn't find it for awhile in my bed with my legs.  Next to me is a Zebra dresser, I saw a empty white pouch on it is where i usually have my vibrator in but IT WAS EMPTY.  So i was confused, did i masturbate last night? I have no idea what happened.  I found the vibrator in the dresser drawer, just not in the white pouch. It was weird. I think last night, I thinking that I wanted to masturbate drunk or i was horny.  Oh man, I'm so hungover today and still feeling like shit.

Pictures from today

Posted on 2010.03.07 at 18:21
Few pictures taken from today, with beautiful weather. i just redyed my bangs, blue dye fades the most out of all hair colors argh!

Bleh, I seriously need to work out and get toned up. 

New post

Posted on 2010.03.07 at 02:47
i wanted to type something here, so I'll just write whats new going on with my life now.

Lets start with today.

Seeing Shutter island the movie with Liam was fun tonight. Its been three weeks when we hung out alone since he worked and got sick couple of times. i do see him at school daily but it wasn't enough. I was happy to spend time with him tonight and hanging out with him tomorrow.  I can't believe i actually have a boyfriend,  my first boyfriend lol! It just happened and liked the fact that its a pretty positive relationship so far.  Its cute when Liams being a nerd by wearing glasses, he was lazy to wear contacts.  Such a punk nerd.   He's like too punk to have a facebook or myspace.  He'd rather read a book instead. haha.  I'm happy to find a guy thats mature around my age, and responsible too.  Its a good influence on me too.  It was irritating when other guys still talk to me like as if i was still single and try to hang out with me. Its not easy to just blurt out, "Oh i have a boyfriend btw, so back off"  but they need to see that anyways. 
So I hope it gets warmer out this month! and starting looking at beauty schools seriously.  i can see myself in a beauty school and getting a license which will help me get a start somewhere with it. 
thats all for today.

home alone

Posted on 2010.02.12 at 20:09
It's friday night and nobody's home.  I don't feel like hanging out with people, just wanted to stay home and relax.  Tomorrow is going to be such a busy day since Liam wanted to take the earliest train as possible just to go to the Museum of Natural History and visit the Planetarium for his astronomy class.  I'm talking about taking the 8:03am train to the city on a saturday morning lol.   I'll just nap on the way to the city.
Listening to Dead can dance is one way to relax yourself at home and drinking liquors to spoil myself.   Argh, I can't believe I have a week off from school already when I had almost 2 months off from school over the winter break.  Some students who had fridays off from school already  started their break when the snowstorm came to long island two days ago. whatever.  Not sure what's going on Valentine's day, but definitely staying in Brooklyn on Saturday night. Claire was nice enough to let me use her empty apartment to crash whenever.  It felt like living back at home in Brooklyn.  Still, things have changed between me and Brooklyn. Brooklyn itself is constantly changing its colors, buildings, people, like as if a painting is being repainted many times.  Demolishing old buildings that has a past became dust in the wind.  My past, my memories in Brooklyn is slowly fading but can emotionally remember things well.  I see my old self just by walking down a street, the long lonely walks with a burning heart.  Always walking, looking for something that's real to grasp on but only the empty streets itself and the glowing moon in the sky that likes to follow me.  There's no place like home.

20th birthday post

Posted on 2010.02.07 at 11:53
Yesterday was my 20th birthday, it was fun but tiring from the night before that involves drinking at my local club on Long island. Apparently, I happen to see Liam almost everyday which is cool. He gave me the best birthday gifts i ever had. He told me that the night at the club was the best night he ever had in years, since he was working and going to school. i was happy to hear that because i was all about good times. His punk friends were there at the club and only 5 people who were wearing a studded leather jacket there at the club. I was the only girl wearing one. It was really fun at resurrection, more people came than i expected. Of courses, there's pictures, i'm just a lazy fuck to put it up on here but i will in a moment.
Plus i did a new color dye job on my bangs. It looks rad and colorful as fuck.

I went from this

To this

AND to this.

Here's a picture of me and Liam

Punk rock love!

Posted on 2010.02.03 at 02:47
the title says it all!
Liam is just amazing period. As an early birthday present, he got me a record vinyl of Amebix Arise! album which is my favorite album by them all times. i was so excited lol and even more, he gave me this fucking sick punk jacket that has one sleeve covered in British cones and is painted dark green. Its almost like a militaristic jacket, due to the paint that says "U.S. bomber" on the other sleeve. i am so wearing this jacket to school tomorrow, to scare fucking people off. i fucking hate how its flooded with scene/emo kids now in the cafeteria. Ugh, makes me wanna vomit on their hair. i guess I'm better off eating lunch in my car.
i will post pictures of the jacket tomorrow. yup yup.

oh bondage up yours!


<3 X-ray spex

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